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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jada Pinkett Smith/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 20:39, 20 January 2009 [1].

Jada Pinkett Smith

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Nominator(s): – Ms. Sarita Confer

I'm nominating this article for featured article because I have completely rewritten and revised it and feel that it's ready to undergo the FAC process. The article underwent a peer review in December 2008 and passed the GA process in the same month. I thank everyone for their time. – Ms. Sarita Confer 01:45, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose. The research here looks solid, and the article is well-organized. However, the quality of the writing isn't quite at a Featured-ready level yet. I recommend finding a copyeditor to have a thorough look at the prose. For example:
  • Together, the couple have founded the Will and Jada Smith Family Foundation, a charity organization which has donated funds to various charities and taken part in charity events. Describe the types of charities they work with, and and try to avoid using the word "charity" three times in one sentence.
  • Banfield-Jones became pregnant with Pinkett Smith when she was in high school and after a few months of marriage, Pinkett Smith's parents divorced. Better: "Banfield-Jones became pregnant when she was in high school. She married the father, but they divorced after several months." (Also indicate whether she was born before of after the divorce.)
  • I revised the sentence to what you suggested. However, I can't find any information indicating whether Pinkett Smith was born before or after the divorce occurred. – Ms. Sarita Confer 21:59, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "portrayed the role" is better written as "played the role" or just "portrayed". The first section is titled "Early work, 1991–1995", but it says: "She began her acting career in 1990..." These are some isolated examples; as I say, the article could use a thorough copyedit by someone who hasn't worked on it.
  • Also: Some of the quotes about movies in which she has appeared are about the movie, not so much her acting. Better to use quotes specifically about her for this article.
Good luck with this. I like Ms. Pinkett Smith (especially in the Matrix films), and I look forward to seeing this piece as an FA. Scartol • Tok 17:42, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the suggestions. I believe I've addressed the examples of your concerns and will work on locating a copyeditor to have a thorough review of the article. – Ms. Sarita Confer 21:59, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose on criterion 3

  • File:Pinkett-Smith.jpg - This image looks suspiciously professional. I hope that a professional released their image under GFDL - I really do, but I am here to be skeptical. This image is missing the source and perhaps the author. Could you contact the uploader and ask about the origin of this image?
  • File:Jada Pinkett Smith Niobe.jpg - WP:NFC requires that screenshots be accompanied by "critical commentary", but I didn't see any critical commentary about Niobe in the article. Why would the reader's understanding of Smith be "significantly" (WP:NFCC #8) increased by this image? In my opinion, unless some commentary on the visual representation of this character can be found and added to the article, this image should be removed from the article.
    • You know, this image has brought on a lot of hassle, so I simply removed it from the article. – Ms. Sarita Confer 00:59, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hopefully, we can resolve these issues quickly. Awadewit (talk) 00:45, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All image issues have been resolved. I've struck the oppose. Awadewit (talk) 16:11, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Numerous missing publishers, and why are some publishers placed after the accessdate in the citations? Also, see WP:MOSDATE#Precise language on the use of –present. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:52, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'm not sure what you mean by the use of –present. Are you speaking about the information in the infobox? That is how I've seen it done on numerous FA BLP pages (e.g., Angelina Jolie, Eric Bana, Cillian Murphy, etc.). Is this wrong? I did edit a sentence that would be considered dated. Jappalang was kind enough to take care of the missing publishers in the references. – Ms. Sarita Confer 08:00, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments -

Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 20:14, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
On the other sites, to determine the reliablity of the site, we need to know what sort of fact checking they do. You can establish this by showing news articles that say the site is reliable/noteworthy/etc. or you can show a page on the site that gives their rules for submissions/etc. or you can show they are backed by a media company/university/institute, or you can show that the website gives its sources and methods, or there are some other ways that would work too. It's their reputation for reliabilty that needs to be demonstrated. Please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for further detailed information. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:40, 14 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose from Dr pda. The article is not bad, but the prose is not yet of FA quality, and there are also a large number of sentences and paragraphs which do not cite any sources.

  • Some examples of prose problems (note that this is not an exhaustive list)
    • when she held a guest appearance in the short-lived sitcom—made a guest appearance would be more normal
    • She has held several roles in various movies, which span many different genres, and is probably best known for her roles in—did she play multiple roles in a single movie? How were the movies various? This sentence would possibly read better as She has appeared in more than 20 movies in a range of genres, but is probably best known for her roles in...
    • Watch out for close repetitions, e.g. Married to actor/rapper Will Smith since 1997, Pinkett Smith has two children with Will, or a character that was based on Pinkett Smith's own style and character.
      • Took care of the first example. JamieS93 has taken care of the second one. – Ms. Sarita Confer 18:08, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • She married the father, but they divorced after several months.[4] Her mother continued to raise Pinkett Smith in Baltimore with the help of Pinkett Smith's grandmother—The first 'she' is Pinkett Smith's mother, thus logically 'her mother' refers to Pinkett Smith's grandmother, not her mother. Also continued to raise is possibly doubtful here, unless you're trying to imply Pinkett Smith's father helped raise her until the divorce, then Pinkett Smith's mother continued to raise her.
    • Banfield...encouraged her by enrolling her in piano, tap dance, and ballet lessons while Banfield-Jones escorted Pinkett Smith to various auditions, rehearsals, and performances around town.—do you mean that at the same time as Banfield is enrolling Pinkett Smith in a class, Banfield-Jones is taking her to auditions etc?
    • garnishing 501 signatures—a petition would usually garner signatures :)
    • Pinkett Smith is referred to by her surname throughout, but her husband Will by his first name. This seems inconsistent, especially since Banfield-Jones and Banfield is considered sufficient to distinguish Pinkett Smith's mother and grandmother.
      • Fixed all instances. The reason behind referring to her husband as "Will" was to avoid awkward sentences, such as Pinkett Smith and Smith... – Ms. Sarita Confer 18:08, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • You may find it useful to read User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a
  • A few MOS points: according to WP:MOSQUOTE block quotations are used for long quotations more than four lines or one paragraph long; those in the article are not this long. Second, according to MOS:CONVERSIONS the size of their house and property should be expressed in metric units (i.e square metres and hectares) as well as US units. You may find the template {{convert}} useful for this. Finally there are a number of phrases like actor/comedian. WP:SLASH recommends against using this construction.
    • I've fixed all of the noted MOS issues here—the quote in the Ventures section seems a tad long to keep within the prose, but I went ahead and moved it out of the blockquote formatting. I began to copyedit a couple of sentences here and there, but I'll try to take a full look through it soon. Jamie☆S93 17:28, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • As JamieS93 has pointed out, she has taken care of all the MOS issues. I don't know why the quotes were changed from the cquote template to the block quote. I suppose it's the same thing? Either way, thank you JamieS93 for taking care of these. – Ms. Sarita Confer 18:08, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • As Scartol says above you probably need to find someone to go through and copyedit the article. Dr pda (talk) 21:48, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Just to let everyone know, I am extremely ill at the moment and probably won't be able to work on this for a couple days. I just wanted to keep people updated and let you all know that I have not abandoned the FAC. – Ms. Sarita Confer 16:42, 14 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Another update: I have contacted a copyeditor (JamieS93) who has been kind enough to go through the article. She has been working diligently for the past couple of days, focusing mainly on MOS issues. – Ms. Sarita Confer 17:00, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Update from Dr pda: The prose has improved, but there are still issues (I'm not sure if the copyediting's finished yet). Also I count five or six places where the final sentence of a paragraph has no reference. A further five or six paragraphs plus the filmography have no references at all. Current reference 16 (SF Chronicle) only supports the immediately preceding quote, not the rest of the paragraph. Dr pda (talk) 03:30, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment — Is there a consensus on the genre of Wicked Wisdom? I ask this because referring to it as a "metal rock band" and eventually a "heavy metal rock band" down the line seems kind of clumsy to me. Is the band considered to be heavy metal music, hard rock, nu metal, or what? Aside from that, I feel that the lead is a bit too drawn out for the amount of text that is there. I suggest that the lead should either be expanded, if it should be at three sentences at all, or else condensed down for two sentences. (Ibaranoff24 (talk) 19:36, 20 January 2009 (UTC))[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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