Talk:I Am Real

Latest comment: 3 years ago by Lil-unique1 in topic GA Review

Did you know nomination

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk06:14, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Created by Carbrera (talk). Self-nominated at 16:52, 9 March 2021 (UTC).Reply

General: Article is new enough and long enough
Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation
  • Cited:  
  • Interesting:  
QPQ: Done.
Overall:   Epicgenius (talk) 19:46, 9 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:I Am Real/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Lil-unique1 (talk · contribs) 22:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)Reply


Hi Carbrera I'll be taking on this review. I hope to have looked at it with some initial comments by Friday 19th ≫ Lil-Unique1 -{ Talk }- 22:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Thank you! Carbrera (talk) 23:17, 16 March 2021 (UTC).Reply

Infobox

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  • Under studio - change JSM Music Studio to JSM Music (the word studio is redundant here)
Removed "Studio".
  • Per MOS:OVERLINK, New York City is deemed a common location so should not be wikilinked
Removed link.
  • Alt text is too complex and misses the point. Per WP:ALT, the text should describe solely what is in the picture therefore the first bit " In the cover artwork for Australian television personality Simon van Kempen's debut single "I Am Real", he" is redundent. It should read "A man appears in red lather pants and a black t-shirt against a solid red background. The song's title and his name appear to the left of him"
Thank you for coming up with a suggested description.
Removed template.

Intro

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  • Remove the bit about it being van Kempen's only song recorded as that could change at some point in the future.
Removed "and only song"
  • If you are going to say "described as a pop and EDM track" then you need to say who described the track that way otherwise call it a "pop and EDM" track, losing the "describe".
Removed "Described as"
  • Change "contains cheeky lyrics and addresses the critics of van Kempen" to "contains tongue-in-cheek that address Van Kempen's critics."
Reworded accordingly.
Linked.

Background and release

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  • Unlink New York City per above
Removed link.
Removed "ultimately".
  • "JSM Music typically creates songs for advertisements and commercials." - this is slightly synthesised as the source says "music for commercials". Music could be jingles not just songs etc.
Changed "songs" to "music".

Composition and lyrics

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  • I think you've used the mention in TV Guide, where it says "wanabe club anthem" to get the genre EDM. This is problematic because of the word "wanabe" which means "trying to be", and secondly EDM isn't the only kind of dance music or music that is played in clubs. This is synthesisy from said source, however The Awl does call the song EDM and Dance (a.k.a dance-pop so those could be sourced from The Awl.
Made adjustments to this sentence.
Linked. Carbrera (talk) 16:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC).Reply
  • Revisit the sentence "Reviewers noted the presence of Auto-Tune or said that van Kempen's pitch remained uncorrected". TV Guide says the lack of Auto-Tune was refreshed, whereas Yahoo! said it was Auto-Tuned awfulness. That's not what the sentence in this section says.
Made adjustments this sentence.
Linked. Carbrera (talk) 16:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC).Reply

Reception and promotion

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  • "explaining that given van Kempen's multiple appearance on the show" → should be "multiple appearances" not "multiple appearance"
Added "s"; my bad.
  • Revisit the alt text for Luann de Lesseps' picture. Also the caption is uncessarily wordy, lose the "pictured in 2011 bit" and replace with (above) so it reads "The song received comparisons to "Money Can't Buy You Class", a 2010 single by fellow Housewives cast member Luann de Lesseps (above)"
Reworded accordingly.

References and copy

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  • References all look okay
  • Copyvio looks fine

Summary

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Hey Lil-unique1, thank you again for the review. I have made adjustments to the article and left you some comments above. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Carbrera (talk) 16:37, 22 March 2021 (UTC).Reply
Carbrera I'll be passing this now. Good job! ≫ Lil-Unique1 -{ Talk }- 16:56, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply